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This is especially true if you have a latent resentment towards your family for one thing or another, perhaps a time they weren’t there for you when you needed them. If you don’t answer, you won’t have to talk through the issue or forgive your parent. Punishing your parent by not answering calls because of something previously said may be your way of coping with familial stressors. It makes the conversation one-sided, which limits how much you hear – that way, you won’t have to feel scared that your partner will touch on some of your more significant vulnerabilities within the dialogue. Yelling at your partner when they do something wrong makes it too loud to hear how you too can be a better partner. When hearing criticism on a project you worked very hard on, making a hurtful comment to your teammate masks the disappointment you feel in hearing non-positive feedback on something in which you felt particularly invested. Here are some examples of ways that the anger iceberg can be helpful: When frustrated at work We can also learn more about ourselves as emotional creatures, including how we currently cope, and how we can work towards healthier styles in the future.īecause anger is such a blinding emotion, using the Anger Iceberg can be very effective any time we need to remember that our reactions aren't one-dimensional. In paying attention to the other emotions involved in an anger reaction, we can better understand why we’re so mad and find ways to dissipate this anger in a productive, meaningful way. It gives attention to the underlying feelings bubbling beneath the obvious manifestations in behavior. The anger iceberg helps us figure out what else is going on. Yet we don’t see what’s beneath the surface: The other emotions in the mix, like frustration, hopelessness, disappointment, pain, jealousy, loneliness, or fear. We see and hear yelling, stomping feet, and raised voices. The Anger Iceberg is a concept created by the Gottman Institute that describes anger like an iceberg: Above the sea, we can see the visible "tip" of the anger. Then something happens – it could be something you see, an action someone else takes, or a thought that pops into your mind – and suddenly, you’re so angry that you want to scream. You notice something, a feeling, a little sensation in the back of your mind. You’re going through your day, life as usual, feeling just fine. It happens just like it did to the infamous Titanic. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 14(2), 169-180.Using the "Anger Iceberg" to Identify Your Underlying Emotions The tip of the iceberg: Fostering appreciation for diversity and commonality. Anger and conflict: Theory and practice.Want more resources like this? Check out our full catalog of anger management worksheets and handouts. A link to download your files will be emailed to you once payment is confirmed. *This item is an instant digital download. They can have honest conversations about anger or start creative projects, such as painting and making emotion masks, to express how they feel. Parents or mental health professionals can further assist kids and teens in exploring their concerns after completing the worksheet. For instance, if a teen often gets angry, the iceberg may show feelings of sadness or frustration underneath. Using the anger iceberg helps kids and teens become more self-aware and deal with their hidden feelings healthily. Examples are given to assist in filling out the iceberg, and there's a space below for them to jot down feelings or experiences that trigger their anger. The visible part is what others see when they are angry, prompting them to explore their deeper emotions. The Anger Iceberg Worksheet is a simple tool that helps kids and teens understand anger by comparing it to an iceberg, with visible and hidden parts. Exploring these hidden feelings is vital to understanding the real source of the anger before finding positive ways to address it. When kids or teens get angry, there's often a deeper emotion causing it. An anger iceberg is a diagram that shows hidden emotions behind anger, such as sadness, fear, jealousy, guilt, and loneliness.